How my love story began :P (Cute, I promise)
Let’s not talk about my ex, let’s just talk about the guy I’m in love with. Let’s call him S.
I wanna write down everything, every detail, get it all off my chest.
Note to self: just remember that your boyfriend GETS you. He UNDERSTANDS you, and ACCEPTS you, and all your emotions, childishness and craziness. He’s not gonna want you to change and grow up so that the world can’t hurt you. He’s just gonna have your back when the world hurts you. It’s your soulmate. You know it. Live with the age difference. Don’t whine.
It’s been a long time. But I’ve got something to say today. It’s long and boring, but it’s worth thinking about.
I’m at a college where everyone is chasing careers like crazy. They wanna get the highest grades and study in the best universities and have the best jobs. They have signed off love because they think love is a distraction. Love and dating can wait.
Well, love is distracting. But it’s also the greatest gift of life. They don’t realize it. Because they don’t have it. But I love somebody, and I’m loved back. I know how lucky I am, and how amazing love is.
Money can’t buy me happiness. I can’t be happy sitting on a pile of money and best possible degrees. I can be happy if my dork runs his hand through my hair, telling me it’s ok, when I’m scared of ghosts at nights.
They want me to grow up, become an adult. Well, I don’t wanna. I still wanna believe in magic, and miracles, and mermaids, and pegasus.
I’m alive. I’m lively. I live. I feel. I breathe in every single moment. And I’ve seen miracles happen when I really believed in them.
This is my note to future me. Don’t listen to this college. Don’t change. You can still write poetry, curl up in bed with your cat, cry while watching tv, root for power rangers, ship every tv cops together, and rant about silly things like this. That’s who you are, and that’s awesome.
1. JOB FACTOR: Since degrees and tests work so differently, in India I’ll be a mini Dr Sheldon Cooper, while in Canada I’ll be reduced to Penny, with a desk job perhaps.
2. PARENTS FACTOR: I’m an only child, I need to look after my parents. He has a brother to look after his mom. Given my mom is younger than his, it’s likely mine will live longer and need more care too. Not only do I love my parents, I owe it to them, they did a lot for me. I’m not gonna ditch them like I see other people do.
3. FINANCIAL FACTOR: I’ll be richer in India. I alone will earn more in India than both of us combined in Canada. Plus, things are cheaper in India.
4. DREAM FACTOR: His dream is writing, he’ll have better time to do that here. He hates his current job anyway. I’ll be having my dream job in India, and frankly after all these years of hard work, I don’t wanna ditch it.
5. CHEAPER MEDICINES ETC: Doctor, medicines, and hospitalization are cheaper here. I’ll be able to afford it all without insurance. Now, he’s older, I’ll have to provide it all for him. And then who’s gonna provide it for me? Also, C section is a given here, I can afford it.
6. CHEAPER EDUCATION: My dad’s retired and just his pension is good enough to pay my college fees, he didn’t even have a college fund for me! It’ll be the same for my kids. I don’t have to save up to send my kids to school! AND everyone from a good family goes to College and Universites here, so it’s guaranteed that my kid will have a better degree and better job in India. Given how his family focuses on exercise and fitness with no emphasis on degrees and mine on education, I’d say I can bring up my kids here more suited for a better job.
7. LESS CHANCES OF KIDS GETTING MIXED WITH WRONG PEOPLE: Sure, they can still get mixed here, but it’s very very very rare. My kids will come from a good home, will interact with similar kids. They won’t do drugs. I don’t know anybody of my socio economic stature who does drugs, or drinks!
8. INDEPENDENCE!!!: I’m an only child, I’m the princess of my palace, I cannot have my sister in law making plans for me every weekend and controlling what I do on my free days. Besides, I’m not the visit your family every week type. In India, I’ll see my parents on my schedule, once a month maybe. No other meddling family members, nobody to still treat my husband as The Single Guy and call him for help on every single thing :D Of course, I love his mom. So if she needs us there, then I wanna be there.
Funny, I used to be submissive, but I haven’t been ever since i got out of high school and started feeling like i was in control of my life :p
Today, after almost three months of no cybering, my online boyfriend and I were just about to get it on. Then twitter locked him out, he tweeted to tell me to switch to other account, and I teased him indecently publicly, which annoyed him, duh. So yeah, our mood was wrecked and we didn’t do it. Three freaking months. Thanks a lot, twitter, this one’s on you. >.
Got him to talk today, finally. It’s so hard to get him to open up about his thoughts and feelings :/
I do realize it’s not about me, he’s not trying to hurt me or anything. He seems majorly depressed about his life.
Wish I could do to make it any better. I can only be there for him as much as a friend can be :/
He’s totally doing it on purpose!! Told him I’d be up at 6 am so we can talk, he’s not even there! I gave up my sleep to be stood up?
And this is not the first time. He’s been doing this for a while now. It’s his new twisted torture technique.
And I know what he’ll say “hey sorry, I was late/I fell asleep, but nice to think things haven’t changed and you’re still making assumptions”, or a variation of this same old “I’m perfect-you’re a screw up” line.
Why does he have to be this way? Why do things have to be this way? We could have been happy if he had just tried. But nope. Why be happy when you can hurt someone?
I need to get out. I have to. Somebody help me, I don’t know how to do it, he makes me go right back to him :( >.